fall from grace

Soon I will be forgotten,
Become a memory of what once was,
A fleeting glimpse of a lost soul,
Roaming his empty life to find himself.

Searching in the arms and lips and sex of unknown men,
To find a piece of that lost dream of what I was to become,
And trying to loose this skin of my actual becoming,
This shameful, guilty skin that squeezes me lifeless as I sleep,
Beside him, beside her, beside myself as I watch in disgust.

I tried to find solace in the Big City speak-easy's, sex-easy's,
But instead I cruised Solitude in the shadows of the night,
And he and I elicited our affair on our backs, on our feet, and on our knees,
Begging for forgiveness for a life I have failed to escape,
And a life I have failed to keep pretense.

Now my crystal castle has come crashing down,
The shards of it leaving their scars on my face for all to see,
Shame, guilt, anger, sadness, relief...
As I declare, "I am a gay American".